11:01 p.m. || 2005-11-05
Amazing God
Had a weird day today
Went to an alpha day with kevin and at first I thought I was only going along to support Kevin...but I was so challenged. I realise that I make a lot of excuses for the way I behave as a Christian...there is no excuse. Jesus died for me and I treat him so badly. I keep doing things because I know he will forgive me. I really experienced just how great that forgivness is today. I learned that I cannot outsin Gods graciousness. Now that I have accepted Jesus, when I ask for forgivness, he sees me as the person I am meant to be, that I am CREATED to be...not the way I am at the minute.
I stopped to think about who I really am today and I realised that deep down the true person is the person that I am at my worst moments, when I'm shouting and balling, throwing things and swearing. When I'm deceitful, unkind, harsh and sly. When I'm cruel, disloyal, gossiping...that is who I really am. I'm not being harsh on myself. Those are characteristics that I have in me and although most don't surface very often, they are still part of who I am. Now that I realise this, I know what I have to do. I need to walk with Jesus, ask him to keep me in check. To make me aware when I am about to do something I shouldn't. I need him to prompt me.
Today I learned the true meaning of the word Councellor (sp?)...it isn't someone who sighs sympathetically, listens and gives you a hug and some magic tea. The word comes from the latin Parakleet (never did Latin, can't spell) and it means someone who pushes you on, or holds you back, basically guides you in the right direction. I need to lean on Jesus to send me in the right direction. To push me on where I don't think I can go and to hold me back when I try to go charging in without thinking.
I really felt challenged to do something with my life today. To be kinder, more patient, to show more self control, to love unconditionally. I know that I'm Gods work in progress and its not going to all come flooding in at once, but if I really take on board what God taught me today and apply it, things will gradually happen and I'll grow into the person that Jesus can see me as now.
I'm so grateful to God for everything. My life is full of amazing blessings. I don't want to take his forgivness for granted. I want tostrive to be the best me I can be.
I think Kevin and I will make a fab team for Jesus eventually...now we both can help each other along together. We both are heading in the same direction, have the same goal. Our relationship is stronger than ever. Like I once heard said "a three strand cord is stronger than only a two strand cord". Another whole dimension has been added and its amazing. What we had before was unreal, but now its as if we've been plugged into the same power source and we're ready to go! I thank God for him every day. There is noone in my life who has done for me what he has.
I shared my testimony with a lady today and she was amazed that I was actually talking about me. She said I was so confident, vibrant and happy now that she would never have known that I could have been that girl. I did look back at how much I've changed...it's a heck of a lot. I'm proud of that and I owe it all the the Big Man Above. he Rocks. I'm going to church and I'm going to sing my heart and soul out.
I still feelkind of wibbly and 'moved'...in awe of My Amazing God
*HUGS* TOTAL! give Leesmry more *HUGS*
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