11:40 a.m. || 2006-04-12
chocolate will surely soothe dementia wounds
It's such a sunny day outside. I know its seems silly but I love staring really hard at the air so that you can see little speckles in it and when the rays of sun stream through and hit them it makes them sparkle and I love watching the hazy heat.
It's the Easter holidays for me at the minute. Its supposed to be two weeks off work but I popped into school yesterday for a quick tidy up and realised just how much crap the previous teacher has left for me to deal with. I'm not going into it now because I'll get stressed. Its going to take at least a week to sort just the filing and the clutter...the bugger!
Had a lovely weekend. I spent saturday having some fab quality time with my moo. There is nobody else that I can spend that amount of time with and still feel like I have so much more to talk about...even the silences say that we are just comfortable to be around each other. Mandy Moo...you are my BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD! I love you.
I caught up with Ali and Bec on sturday and had some lovely time with them. We couldnt chat too much as we were at a battle of the bands gig. Looking forward to some more Ali time.
Monday was great too. I spent some time with my little sister planning the wedding and just generally shopping about. I love my little sister.
On a sadder note. I went to visit Auntie Nora with my sister and when we arrived she was wandering down the ward and 2 nurses were trying to get her back to her room. She was crying and refusing to go back saying that she just wanted to go outside and feel the wind. She didn't want to go back to the jail. Me and Chell tried to get her back to her room but she just got really mad. We got her in and she sat on the chair and sobbed. Then from nowhere she completely turned and started screaming at Chell that she thought that she was Gods earth and that she was selfish and wasn't looking after her and that because we wouldn't take her home there and then that we both just wanted to keep her there until the nurses sent her out in a box. We tried telling her that this wasn't true but she just said that we were siding with them. She was standing screaming, literally foaming at the mouth. She said that we didn't care about her. Chell was crying by this point. I tried to calm auntie Nora down adn said that it was upsetting chell and making her cry but she just said that she didn't care and that she would make her cry if she wanted too. At that point we had to leave the room for air. we told her we would be back in ten minutes and give her time to calm down...she just replied that she never wanted us there in the first place and to get out. A nurse (who was fantastic) went in to try and calm her down while I tried to settle chell.
We went back in after a while and tried to ignore the fact that anything had happened and just chat in general when she turned and pointed at me and said " What are you doing here...I dont like you...I don't like you at all...I don't love you...I have never loved you. I love michelle but not you". I started crying and Michelle tried to ask her if she knew what she was saying and she said that she did and just kept repeating that she loved her but not me. We were both crying and tried to calm her down but she wasn't responding. She just kept screaming at us. In the end we just had to leave.
Apparently, it took another 6 hours to calm her down and that was only because they sedated her and my mam and dad went in to sort her out.
I know that this happens with old people...I know that she probably didn't mean it. She asked my mam to say sorry to us...but it doesn't stop the feeling... I really can't describe it. I have never done anything but love auntie nora and to hear those words and to see what she did to chell...I can't describe how I feel. I still don't know if I can face her. We left the hospital numb and confused. Why is it that they lash out at the people who love them the most? I know how fragile and unstable she is and I just want to keep loving her but how can I when she won't let me? I know its just dementia but it doesnt stop the words from wounding...It really hurts...
Anyway. I have much work to be getting on with and I feel a rumbling in my tummy that I'm pretty sure is asking for a chocolate therapy. Yes, off to get some chocolate I think.
xxxxxx
I love this song...I really do...ans the old couple in the video...why does old have to be so sad?
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