12:53 p.m. || 2006-08-09
Uncle Bill
I know I've mentioned Auntie Nora a lot of times before, but the person I have never spoken about is Uncle Bill. I know so many people have suffered loss and hurt so to some people they will think I am silly to still be so sad after 15 years. I know I should have gotton over it by now but it really is seriously the one thing I have never ever been able to bring myself to think about never mind talk about. I've lost all my grand-parents and though I loved them, what I felt when they left is not even close to how it felt to lose Uncle Bill.
Auntie Nora and Uncle Bill are a God-send. They have been such an enormous part of my life. They were unable to have their own children and treat (treated - suffereing brain failure) myself and my sister like their own grandchildren. When I was tiny, my mam said that he would come in our house for hours every day just to hold me and cuddle me. He used to wake me up when mam wasn't looking just to play. Every chance he would get he would take me out, just to chat with me, to walk with me. He would hold my hand and swing me about. We would go to the coast and just watch the waves. He had really severe asthma and so sometimes found it really hard to walk very far so we would stop for ice-cream and just sit.
He used to keep his inhalers in the cupboard behind the chair where he would sit (always in THAT chair) and when he needed them he would shout "get the puffers" and I would have to race to the cupboard and get them as fast as I could. he made it a game so I was never scared when he was unwell.
He taught me how to play naughts and crosses 'properly' and dammit, he would never let me win...he used to make me work for it. He taught me how to play the game where you join the dots with the line and see who can make the most squares. I never won that. I used to sit on his knee for hours and do jig-saws and watch T.V. He would cook dinner...which I never liked and he would make me eat the onions from the gravy, no matter how much I complained.
I was really ill when I was 3 and was in hospital 9 it's weird how much I can really remember) I had a reaction to something that to this day, we still don't know what it was and had swollen up like a huge puff ball and couldn't see properly and I couldn't walk. He brought me flowers in a little pink giraffe pot and put me on his shoulders and carried me around the ward. He would just sit by my bed and read to me.
He was 6' 3" and used to say that he had hollw legs. He had really thick grey hair and I used to stand behind his chair and comb it. Sometimes I would try and put curlers in. He let me.
I used to go shopping with them in the local town centre and one day we were in woolworths and I saw a 'really cool' bike that was red and white and had dolphin on it. I loved it and said I would ask Santa-Claus for it. I remember going back a week later and the bike had gone and I was devastated. He told me not to worry because it had gone to another nice little girl and that I would see another bike that I liked even more. I was still gutted. There is only one gift that I remember receiving at christmas when I was little and it is that bike when I walked into their house on Christmas morning.
Every Christmas we woyuld get up and open our gifts from santa and while we were still in our pyjamas we would run next door to see what he had left there. There was always A LOT. They did spoil us but I never ever took it for granted...I really didn't.
He used to drink Stout, a weird kind of beer thing that is apparently full of iron. I was always ill when I was little so he used to make me drink a can of it every day to 'build me up' for some reason my mam and dad caught on to this and they made me do it too. the stuff was horrible.
He always wanted me to play the flute and was so proud when I did. He said that flourtists gave nice kisses.
One of my favourite memories is whenever I used to go in the house he would say " My, you're looking pretty today....pretty awful" and then he would laugh.
His name for me was Princess.
His name for my sister was Dutchess.
He died on Christmas eve when I was 9. He had pneumonia and his chest couldn't handle it. I didn't believe my dad when he told me.
I wasn't allowed to the funeral. I sent him some flowers from his 'pretty awful girl'. I never said goodbye or thank you or told him that I loved him.
I'm scared of losing Auntie Nora.
I want to say it now.
Dear Uncle Bill.
I know you have been gone a long time now but I remember you like you were here yeasterday. I remember the smell of your cardigans when I cuddled you and how I would laugh when you slopped you dinner. There is nobody in the world that I wish was still here more than you. I still play the flute and wish you could here me, I'm much better than I was. I still have that white car that you bought me from chester -le- street market. I keep it in the draw of the desk at my mam and dads house. I wish you could be at my wedding. Kevin is lovely, you would really like him. Thank you for everything you did with me and for me. I love you so much. I'm sorry that I haven't taken better care of Auntie Nora for you. I will try harder from now on. We try to talk about you but neither of us can. You were the nicest man I ever met.
Lisa xxxx
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